For almost a year or 11 months to be exact in my fellowship training, I am still on the verge of coping to things and the system around here..I'm not lost, but there's still a feeling of inadequacy inside me. As my other co-fellow might have adjusted already, there are still times that I feel so empty and bored. I might be missing my comfort zone, which I guess this have played a big role in dragging me down.
In my lonesome times, I'm asking myself, Am I in the right tract? Or Am I really called for this? With these activities I have, waking up so early, making rounds with the patients, do a little chit chat with them, asking them if they're okay, accompanying our consultants during their visits, going to OPD for consults, doing procedures, I think all these stuffs were merely a routine for me now.
The sense of fulfillment of being a physician was lost. I guess I need break from all these routines I have. I need to get back to my very own purpose, why in the first place I took up medicine.
I pray to God above, to help me seek that reason again. I am what I am now, because of His greater plan for me, and that is to glorify Him by being His instrument in healing the sick.
I hope this boredom will get away as soon as possible.