Friday, May 27, 2016
After my long quest on searching for the answers to my question, finally i found it...He was molding me! I admit, there has been a point of my life when i had loose grip on my faith...i always ask Him, why let these things happened to me in just a spur of a moment...all i can feel at that time was things are really out of my control!
Just a week after my graduation, a resident gave me a book, it was a nice book...(I suggest you'll read it too!). She told me it was something to keep me ready for my internship, at first i thought it was the new edition of medical blue book!!! hahaha! but it wasn't... I never thought it would be of great help in my quest! Remember the poem Footprints in the sand? Of course! I do! I have read it for so many, many times in life, but I didn't appreciate it before...
Now I understand why He let it happened. He was molding me...He was calling my attention...He was showing to me how strong is His arms and how safe I am in His arms! Just as the father would pick up his own child and carry him over the rough ground, God carried me when the going gets tough. I'm finally at ease now! I'm finally home! I'm finally back to His strong arms!
Perhaps love makes us old before our time - or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments?
That is why I write -- to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance.
So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into the Piedra. Only then - in the words of one of the saints - will the water extinguish what the flames have written."
Now, my story...
There I was.
Lamenting in my own River Piedra
Mourning for the transformation
of love into loss,
I, too, have written my tale.
I, too, have let my tears run me dry.
Let the poignant remnants of reminiscences be carried away by the current.
Let the water cleanse me of the hurt, pain and regret.
For by the River Piedra,
By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept..
Friday, May 22, 2015
In my lonesome times, I'm asking myself, Am I in the right tract? Or Am I really called for this? With these activities I have, waking up so early, making rounds with the patients, do a little chit chat with them, asking them if they're okay, accompanying our consultants during their visits, going to OPD for consults, doing procedures, I think all these stuffs were merely a routine for me now.
The sense of fulfillment of being a physician was lost. I guess I need break from all these routines I have. I need to get back to my very own purpose, why in the first place I took up medicine.
I pray to God above, to help me seek that reason again. I am what I am now, because of His greater plan for me, and that is to glorify Him by being His instrument in healing the sick.
I hope this boredom will get away as soon as possible.
First and foremost, Medical Residency had consumed all my time. After 3 years of residency training, our training officer decided to extend me for a year to help my junior residents, though not as busy compared from previous years, still blogging never came into my mind. Secondly, after residency training, here comes PSBIM exam, I had to spend so many hours reviewing Mr. Harrison's. Thirdly, after the exam, here comes a new milestone of medical profession, which had also consumed my time...the Fellowship training.
Just to keep my sanity and autism mode, I opted for other options just like posting my mild rantings on Facebook. A simple sigh can give a slight relief, and thanks to my earphones, which had separated me from a world full of stressors.
With all the negative vibes that I face every now and then, I guess posting entries on my blog is the answer. In this way, I can keep my sanity intact. Since this site is more "private" compared to other sites, I can freely post those negative thoughts I have. I am free to express my thoughts and my feelings. I guess resurrecting this page is a better way, I mean aside from shedding out those negative and careless thoughts I have, I can inflict no pain to anybody..unless they read this intently....
WELCOME BACK TO THE BLOG SPHERE AGAIN!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house?
Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will befinishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.
What has passed will not return:
we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered,
your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,
work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:
tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.
Nothing is irreplaceable A habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult,
but it is very important.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
It hurts my ears, it hurts my eyes, it hurts my heart
I yearn to hear, to know, to feel.
Where are you? Where have you gone?
What are you doing, thinking, dreaming?
A loneliness only you can fill.
The words have gone, but the connection still lives.
You're in my thoughts, my dreams, my heart, my soul.